NEWS OF THE WEIRD

Do the Crime -- Because You'll Want To Do the Time -- In Norway!
It would seem that our Norwegian friends have a much higher class of felons and criminals than we do here in America. Goodness knows they treat them like royalty over there. Norway's brand-new Halden prison just opened for business and the country's King Harald V (yes they still have kings) headlined a glitzy gala that celebrated what has been called the world's "most humane" lockup. The new prison features a sound studio, jogging trails, a guest house for inmates' visitors, and a scrumptious-smelling "kitchen laboratory" where murderers and thieves can learn to cook. Guards -- half of which are women-- are unarmed and intermingle with the rapists, drug dealers and bank robbers, dining with them and joining them in intramural sports. But wait -- before you guffaw too much, the recidivism rate for Norwegian prisoners (those that end up going back to jail) is only about 20 percent versus 60 percent here in the U.S. So maybe they know something we don't! (Time Magazine)

Sorry -- I Can't Pay You Back For Saving My Stupid Daughter!
Maryanne Sunderland is the mother of the rescued 16-year-old American sailor Abby Sunderland who failed miserably in her attempt to sail solo around the world. Well the job of saving the girl fell to the Australian Government and they have asked the Sutherland family to reimburse them for the $300,000 they spent saving Abby's life. But Mrs. Sutherland has basically said too bad -- we don't have that kind of money. In her online blog, young Abby wrote, "There are plenty of things people can think of to blame for my situation; my age, the time of year and many more. The truth is, I was in a storm and you don't sail through the Indian Ocean without getting in at least one storm. Storms are part of the deal when you set out to sail around the world. As for age, since when does age create gigantic waves and storms?" To add insult to injury, Abby has said she will attempt this again. Interesting to note though that the American Sailing Association refused to sponsor Abby's circumnavigation bid, citing concerns about the timing of her trip. (Courier Mail)

But How Will the Puppies Say Hello To Each Other?
A little uptight about your dog's rear end? Tired of watching the other dogs say a friendly hello by burying their snouts in little Fee Fee's behind? Well say hello to the "Rear Gear Butt Cover" for dogs and cats. Invented and handmade in Portland, Oregon, it's basically a colorful patch designed to cover the area just below your dog or cat's tail. The "Rear Gear" is featured on the handmade-crafts' site, Etsy.com and when we last checked they were sold out! And don't get any ideas invention stealers. There is trademark and patent pending! (Portland Mercury)

Lindsay Substitutes Ice Cream For Drugs and Alcohol

 

*LINDSAY LOHAN HAS AN ADDICTIVE PERSONALITY -- NOW THAT SHE CAN'T DRINK OR DO DRUGS, SHE'S HOOKED ON JUNK FOOD -- IT'S CAUSED HER TO BLOW UP SO BIG, SHE'S BARELY RECOGNIZABLE -- WHILE IT'S BETTER THAN THE ANOREXIC LOOK SHE HAD AT THE HEIGHT OF HER COCAINE ADDICTION, IT'S STILL SHOCKING

 

-- MOST PEOPLE GET IN BETTER SHAPE AFTER THEY QUIT DRINKING -- BUT LINDSAY OBVIOUSLY HAS OTHER PROBLEMS -- ACCORDING TO TMZ, ONE OF THEM IS THE LOSS OF HER ASSISTANT, WHO SUDDENLY QUIT LAST WEEK -- TMZ REPORTS THAT "LINDSAY'S ASSISTANT WAS HER LIFELINE, AND HER FRIENDS ARE WORRIED SHE'S ABOUT TO UNRAVEL" -- SHE'S GOING TO HAVE A HARD TIME FINDING A RELIABLE REPLACEMENT -- WITHOUT AN ASSISTANT, SHE'LL NEVER MAKE THE APPOINTMENTS THAT COULD KEEP HER OUT OF JAIL -- SHE'S LEGALLY FORBIDDEN FROM DRIVING, SO SHE RELIED ON HER ASSISTANT TO TAKE HER EVERYWHERE, INCLUDING HER ALCOHOL EDUCATION CLASSES...Photos: NewLohan.notlong.com

 

Add 'Rap' to 'Gym-Tan-Laundry' for Jersey Shore's 'The Situation'

 

*HITTING iTUNES THIS WEEK IS THE FIRST RAP SONG FROM "JERSEY SHORE" CAST MEMBER MIKE SORRENTINO (a/k/a "THE SITUATION") -- ONE OF HIS COLLABORATORS SAYS (QUOTE) "WE'RE GEARING THE MUSIC TOWARD THE DANCE CLUBS. A LOT OF PEOPLE CALL IT A RAP RECORD, BUT IT'S NOT. IT'S MORE OF A CLUB BANGER"

 

-- THE SONG IS CLEVERLY TITLED "THE SITUATION" -- AND HE WARNS THAT IF ENOUGH PEOPLE LIKE IT, "THERE'LL BE MORE TO COME" -- "THE SITUATION" KNOWS HOW TO SATISFY THE CLUB AUDIENCE -- BEFORE HE BECAME FAMOUS ON MTV, HE WORKED AS AN EROTIC DANCER

 

-- A SHORT CLIP OF THE SONG WAS LEAKED -- THE STUDIO TRICKERY OF AUTO-TUNE MAKES HIS VOICE BARELY RECOGNIZABLE -- HE RHYMES "CHRISTIAN DIOR" WITH "JERSEY SHORE" -- LET'S JUST SAY HIS RAPPING MAKES KEVIN FEDERLINE SOUND LIKE A CREATIVE GENIUS -- "THE SITUATION" HAS MORE PLANS TO POLLUTE THE PLANET -- THIS IS JUST THE FIRST IN A LINE OF PRODUCTS -- SOON HE'LL HAVE HIS OWN COLOGNE AND A DESIGNER CLOTHING LINE... Hear it for yourself at TheSituation.notlong.com -- By the way, the second season of 'Jersey Shore' premieres at the end of July...

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